The way to life!!!

As my college days were nearing an end, and I was, the least bothered person, my mom would come up with her magically stupid question!








"Where is your life heading?"





"Oh! I forgot!




Life has directions too!!!





Okay!!!






I'll head north-east, and then south-west!! I'll also cover up Andaman, on the way!!!"












Mom would finally give in, with her final sigh, and an expected conclusion.










"You are my greatest mistake!!!"













So true!!!






But, alas!!







She was too late!!!








To be continued.....

The Diya drama!!!

Diya's departure to Mumbai, had indeed, taken the strangest of turns!!!












Whenever mom would end up having an altercation with me, she would instantly call Diya! And the process was pretty much, a chain reaction!! Even Diya had suddenly realised the urgency of her position!! She would call me in an attempt to convince me of things!!














The reactions were pretty disastrous!!!












It was like, she was the common complaint box!!











Soon, she realised, it was literally making her life, all the more puzzling and messy!!!
















Gradually, she gave up!!!







To be continued.....

Nearly knotted!!!

It wasn't quite over for us!






Despite being caught at an "unusual" position, and plagued with even more unusual questions at home, Priyanka had decided to stick along!






Hats off, to her dedication.











For me.



Obviously, it was a BONUS!!!















Things got real "serious" as one would say!





To an extent that, we even inquired at the registration office!!!










Her dad found out, very soon, all that was cooking!




He started coming to college, for a free pick and drop service!! Her batch was instantaneously changed!!







And for me, this time, it was guaranteedly, more than over!!!















Did I just mention??





















I had nearly got married!!!








To be continued.....

The bonus bane!!!

Diya (Namrata), after having worked with the same company for 30 long months, finally grew tired, bored, and looked for a change!!!







Like every second techie, she chose to get an MBA!!









My parents, quite reasonably, were, more than happy!



Degrees meant a lot!!













Ask me. They are paper shits!








Because, I would never have more than one!!! That too, only because, it was pretty much mandatory!!!









Why else on earth, would I tolerate three years of college, without a canteen??
















Not long, before Diya cleared, yet another entrance, and flew off to Mumbai, to add yet another of the paper "feathers"!







I stood, stranded, struggling to get my graduation, somehow!!!







To be continued.....

The zoo within!!!

If I tried singing, I was barking, like a street dog!





If it was murmuring, it was cat style!!!





In case, as would be, in most cases, that is, I spoke something, quite much to her disliking, I would be blabbering like a donkey!!! I never knew donkeys blabbered, by the way!!







If I had ended up with a mischief, I was definitely a monkey, and, if I was sarcastic, I turned a
mule!!!







In case, I called out to her, repeatedly, as was the usual routine, I would be sheepish!







And, if I had a fall, or a fight, and luckily escaped unhurt, it had simply nothing to do with my endurance power! I just had the skin of a rhinoceros!!!








If I overslept, as I habitually did on weekends, I would literally be, a buffalo!!!









And, for her, I had always resembled a chimpanzee, by looks!!!










I was an entire zoo, in myself!!!







To be continued.....

Of emitting poetry and mom's love for animals!!!

My writing was quite limited to poetry, usually.





And, I was one of those, who emitted poetry, as a replacement for tears!





No wonder, they were pure works of either sheer constipation or complete loose motion!!!






And, I was so badly arrogant that, I kept on writing! Shameless indeed!!!




















My mom was, once upon a time, a Biology teacher.






And, without a doubt, she was an avid animal lover!







Her love, was to an extent that, every action of mine was similar to one of a possible animal, that existed!!!






To be continued.....

Of tasks and pretensions!!!

Namrata fared decently in her board exams, and quite easily cleared the entrance for engineering. She had "survived" four years of college, and finally sealed it, with a job at a top IT company!






Definitely, the task for me, had been clearly cut out!









By the time, I got to the second year at college, all I had actually learnt were, a handful of softwares, only by the name though!!!





Not a pinch more or less!!!






And, I was more than sure, I was never landing up with a job that was even remotely related to the subject of my graduation!!!









At the time of projects, I would do things, that would never find a mention for once, on the list of "things-to-be-done"!!!







I would simply, pretend to work!!!







My sole objective was, to complete a successful graduation, somehow!!!






To be continued.....

Satanic sister!!!

My sister Namrata, was five years, two-and-a-half months thirteen and-a-half days elder to me, to be specifically precise!





And, quite expectedly, we never shared positive vibes!!








To start off things, she was asthmatic from an age, girls usually remain busy with their doll houses!





She was always good with academics, scalping prized positions in the exams.






She was sober, introvert, and humble.








In a word, she was aptly perfect. And a clear opposite, to me!!!






But then, she was human, and she did err! And guess what?





I got beaten up and scolded because, she was asthmatic!!!






My allergy for her, was well reasoned!!!








When I was an extrovert everywhere, except at home, she was pretty much the opposite. And, she simply couldn't stop telling a thing to mom! To such an extent that, she found out the land line number of my first ever girlfriend, and simply blabbered it out, in front of my mom!!!







The rest indeed, rested in peace!!!






To be continued.....

The "Bose" within!!!

Growing up a Bengali, I realised one thing, quite early in life!






Bengalis were born rebels.




Everyone had a Subhash Chandra Bose, within!!! The only difference was, these guys hardly had the determination, or a reason to cling to!!!




I grew up watching a thousand protest rallies. Marches with, or, without candles! And, a new slogan adding up, every single day!!!






Whether it was a price hike or a rape, student rights' violation or corrupt Government, they protested!




Only to forget in a week's time, why they were even protesting!!!





It was like, the word "protest" turned on every single Bengali!!!




It was needless, asking for a reason!!




Fuck reason! Protest!!!







Bengal was anyways, too lazy, to change!!!





To be continued.....

Love gone wild!!!

My time at the new college was flying good, with the newly found friends!!





And, not to forget, the pretty girl from our batch, Priyanka!




She was a late admission, and, of late she had been making me go weak, on my knees!!!








It wasn't long, before things headed for the inevitable!!!








We were "badly" dating!!!







When the entire class was watching animated movies, we were busy animating our lips to action, in the last row!!!





But, it never stops there!!!









Things got worse, when we were chanced upon, at a time, my fingers were busy, finding "target", in to her inners!!!





An elderly neighbour had come up to the terrace, for an evening stroll, and quite badly, landed, right in front of us!!!










What happened next, remained a mystery.







It was over, for sure!!!





To be continued.....

The "parent" period!!!

Mom, by now, has found mention, quite a number of times. No wonder, she had always been "instrumental" in my life!!





Specially, in trying to eradicate any female "disease", off my life!!!





It was her immense contribution that, I and my first ever girlfriend, had turned, from "lovers" to "haters", in minutes!!!










My dad was equally magical, a person!!




The most magical thing about him was, his near-to-perfection timing!!!





He would subtly be invisible, for the rest of the year, and surface, right in front, on the day of my results!!! He had this "rare" talent, of forgetting every other thing, including my birthday and even, my age!!! But, he would never forget the D-Day!!!





Dad's timidity, to the world, outside the house, could well give a serious inferiority complex, to the most timid of rabbits!!!




But, to me, he was, one big lion!!!



He would always criticise every action of mine, be that, a frugal cricket shot, my "unusually spontaneous" poetry, or my seriously bad habit of laughing off things!!!





To be continued.....

The graduation infatuation!!!

Bengalis are die hard romantics and poets!!!





Love and women keep dropping in and out, off their poetry!!!





A Bengali could smell poetry, out of a rose, which was otherwise, a bloody rose!!!






And, quite wisely, I had chosen to write, in English!!



People bothered, wouldn't understand, and people, who would understand, wouldn't bother!!!










One fine morning, I landed up at a college, to study animation!!!




To start of with, I initially thought, it had something to do with creativity and innovation!!!




But then, sweet dreams were never known to last long!!!





To be continued.....

Of black goats and sheep!!!

My one year with Zoology had been, expectedly, wasted!!!




And, to make things all the more serious, I failed the medical entrance exams, a second successive time!!!






When my parents were utterly confused, as to, where was my life heading, a "learned" family friend came to the rescue!!!






For my parents, everything was always concluded, too fast!!!





They could easily see me, as an unemployed, good-for-nothing ass-hole!!! A sheer disgrace to the entire family tree!!! A black sheep!!!






I had never seen a black sheep! I had seen black goats, though!!!






Okay! So, this family friend came to the rescue finally!!





He, quite "wisely" suggested, I was good at sketching! So, a career with good sketching skills would help!!!





I was, incidentally, dating her daughter, then!!!





To be continued.....

The Bengal substance!!!

Bengalis are proudly lazy!!!




They call it, being "intellectual"!!!






Now, the concept, for an intellectual, is, quite laid out, for a Bengali.





You have to have a year's unshaven vegetation, all across your face, so that, only and only, your eyes and nose are visible!!!





The day, you swear to be an intellectual, you stop shaving, and even, getting a haircut!!!






You should be able to quote any and every goddamn Bengali poet, wear a dirty, stinky, half-torn kurta, and have a half-burnt cigarette across your lips, at any given point time!!!











Bengalis are also, innately innovative!!! Without second thoughts. Seriously!!!






We can defy physics and do things, no either species would even dream of!!!







Eating is a universal truth for us!!!





From "egg rolls" to "rosogollas", we eat everything. Like every other.



From "rum" to "whiskey", "vodka" to "fruit juice", "wine" to "tea", "champagne" to "coffee", we "eat" everything!!! Like no other!!!



We are the only known clan, that ever existed, and even managed to eat a cigarette, along with the smoke!!!





No doubt, I wanted to be a writer!




Bengalis are full of "substance"!!!






To be continued.....

Of poetry and of politics!!!

It was like, the Chief Minister's son, had a food poisoning, and the ruling party accused the opposition, of a conspiracy!!!



Now, the opposition inevitably, would call for a bandh!!!



Not because, it's a protest!!!





But, because they need a holiday!!!












For a Bengali, life begins at politics, and ends at politics!!!




Eighteen or eighty, it never really mattered!!! Cigarettes, tea and politics were something every Bengali inherited, quite of habit!!!



I could never really fathom, why Bengal ever complained of unemployment!!!





Every Bengali, was anyways, "politically" employed!!!








And, as for me, things just couldn't get worse!!!




I wanted to be a writer, and, I was a Bengali!!!





Literature, for us, began and came to a full stop courtesy a single name!!!



Tagore!!!




And, the rest, were just, a nearly unheard "born to struggle" bunch of "not so writerly" writers!!!






To be continued.....

Being Bengali!!!

To start off with, Bengal people are great worshippers, of every possible god, but, only "conditionally"!!! And, to add to their twenty eight thousand one hundred and sixty nine gods, they have yet another god!!!





Rabindranath Tagore!!!








For a Bengali, nothing in the world, can be as good, as it is, in Bengal!!!




Be it the Howrah Bridge, or, the comedy circus at Writer's!!!






Born, and brought up, in Bengal, I did have my share of ingredients!!







In the growing years, like every other child, i was fond of holidays! And, Bengal has some fifty three-and-a-half festivals, round the year!!



And, we had another state "festival", that came over again and again, at least, a dozen times, a year!!!





Bandh!!!






Bengal and bandh were like conjugated twins!!!







To be continued.....

The coming of "things"!!!

The greatest irony of all, was, when I was just a shaky guy of ten, my mom was getting me to music and art, and every other goddamn classes, and somewhat pressed on me, getting in to activities, at school!!!



She couldn't afford me losing out to the other "rats" in the marathon!!!





The problem arose, when she realised, how badly, her move had backfired!!!





By the time I was fourteen, I had enlisted myself, a member, with every goddamn activity club, at school!!!




Making things even worse, I had just won the second place, in the entire state of Bengal in a writing competition!!! (it was no easy job beating the shit out of so many "Tagore"s!!!)






Bengal is a very "sweetly" insane state, in case, you don't know!!!





I definitely owe a lot, to this place!!!







To be continued.....

The entrance episode!!!

I cleared the entrance exams for engineering, but, the list missed out my name, in the medical entrance exam results!!!




My mother, fearing her dream, getting assassinated, changed strategies!!!




She took me to a quite well-known astrologer of the city!!!



The learned soothsayer thus spoke!!!




And, my mother was, more than just happy!!




The attempts to make a doctor, of me, were resumed, with a fresh gusto!!!



I was admitted to a college, with Zoology as my subject, so as, not to waste a year!! Thus started, a fresh yet stale episode!!!





To be continued.....

Nearly nailed!!!

By the time I reached the near end of my school life, I had shifted over half a dozen (or more, maybe!) girlfriends, and finally, stuck to Sramana. (for the time being!)




Now, getting her alone, at home, was way too easy!!! (and that remains every guy's distant dream!!!)


Her dad worked with an IT company, in Chennai. And, her mother worked with a private firm, and returned home, only by eight, in the night!



And that meant, I literally had time to play episodes of the "sleep and cuddle" game, in and out!!!





Like every other 18-year-old, I was a "chosen" pervert!!!



But, the problem is, you hardly know, when the big match is due!!!




At the back of my mind, I was literally going nuts to "have it", and expectedly, I wanted it "badly" and quite much "consciously"!!! And yet, I don't know why the hell (maybe to soothe her!), I wanted to make it look "unplanned", and "accidental"!!!






And, accident struck!



I was at her place, one afternoon. And, the doorbell rang!!!




We were nearly "dead"!!!



She somehow managed to get in to her pants and struggled over her tops, and peeped through the hole to check out the "unwanted guest"!!!




It was her grandma!




Grandmas were never infamous for having interrupted the "progress" of their grandchildren!!!



Expectedly, she reclined herself to the farthest room, as I sheltered myself in the wash room, with my socks, the only evidence of a piece of cloth, on!!!




Grandma snored, in no time!!!




A disrobed Sramana jostled against me. I could feel my socks get wet, as, the warmth within, shot up!!!











"Nikhil, I missed my periods!!!"



What followed was, an utter silence, more off, a shock, than surprise!!!



My heart had missed several beats for the next three days.



And, finally it came.



The "good news"!






I had "nearly" become a father!!!







To be continued.....

The science slaughter!!!

As soon as I finished my ICSE exams, my parents consulted the "great" teacher, who had "ably guided" my sister to the gates of engineering!!!



Incidentally, I was previously group studying (dual studying, rather!), with this "great" teacher's "lesser greater", younger daughter!!! For, he was sure, she could "guide" me in my "weaker" areas!!!



He was right!!!



Just that, it had worked the other way round!!!





Obviously, I was happy to go to a new school, but at the same time, shit hell scared!!! After all, I had been "admitted" to Science!!!


And, all I managed, on my first Calculus class, was a caricature of the 40-year-old, single, Maths teacher (no wonder, he was single!!!), on the last page of my rough copy!!!




I hadn't even yet got over the hangover of new friends, and new girls, and it was already, the half-yearly exams, at my school!!!




All I did, throughout, was, somehow pass the tedious three hours, every single day, for an entire week!!!









No wonder, I flunked!!!



Physics, Chemistry, Maths!!!

26, 26, and 19!!!




Even the sum total of the three, wasn't good enough a score, for my parents!!!



And here, I was!!!








My mother nearly fainted, dad survived a minor "stroke", down his spine, and my sister didn't use the wash room, for a week!!!



My marks were definitely, that "shitty"!!! At least, for them.



My meagre pocket money, of a miserly, scanty 150 rupees, was, then and there, seized!!!





My family had sensed, the end of the earth!!!



At least, that's what anybody would say, from their "faces"!!!







To be continued.....

Of IQ and psyche!!!

The problem arose, the very first day, I went for a "counselling" session!!!



When the learned "healer" was asking me something "serious", I was wondering, whether, the lizard, on the wall, inches above my healers's head, had his lunch or not!!!


No wonder, I didn't end up, with a single answer, that was convincing enough, for him, to declare me "sane"!!!


For the best part, he even suspected me, of low IQ, and, for my parents, death was more graceful!!!


Did this bloody "healer" ever have his own IQ tested???



At the IQ test, the usual, stupid questions were asked!


I never knew what happened next, but, the "healer" declared me "gifted"!!!



What the fuck???


A day back, I was a low IQ suspect, and now, I was bloody "gifted"!!! How did this moron even manage a licence to practise???

Bribe!!! For sure!!!


To make things worse, mom declared, a guy with a "gifted" IQ, is God's gift to science!!! I didn't really have a clue, as to, what was this new theory of "evolution", and where do you get to learn such terrible theorems!!!


She didn't care!!! The "silver" lining was turning "platinum", for her, and she was readying, preparing and practising her speech, for the day, I "finally" turned a doctor!!!




Did I just forget to mention?? I was always the kind of investment, that, without a mistake, inevitably, failed!!! Without an exception!!!


Somehow, yet, my parents were sure to make it work, this time!!

Sheer determination!!!




To be continued.....

The poetic psyche!!!

Writing poetry at ten, usually suggests, that, you are Tagore, or, you are severely ill!!!



 I was definitely, not the first one, and about the rest, I wasn't quite sure!!! And, by the time I turned thirteen, I was literally having "loose bowels" of poetry!!!




It didn't take long, to get a reality check!!!



When I was flying Shakespeare and gliding Shelley, my mom caught me by the ear, and crashed me to "reality"!!!



Her dreams of seeing a doctor, of her son, had been seriously threatened! And that meant, having invited a wholesome shit!!!




I was made to see a psychologist!!! Because, for her, that was the best way to get me, off my nonsense writing!!! It was like, I had been "possessed" and, she had found the apt remedy!!!




Now, just like astrologers can do good to every goddamn person, except his own self, psychologists are believed to "cure" every god damn "ill", except for himself!!!


Just think!!! How sick must a person be, who earned "curing" "ill" people!!! And he was neither a physician, nor a conjurer!!! Moreover, he would simply lie, every seven-and-a-half seconds, to prolong his "cure", ensuring a "healthy" bill, if not a "patient"!!!




To be continued.....

An ominous start!!!

To start off things, on the worst possible note, I was born to a culturally enriched, overeducated, middle class Bengali family.

Added to that, my dad was a scientist!!!


And, my mom, a science teacher, before she gave up a promising career, to dream for her kids, way before they had even learnt to crawl!!!




The creative caterpillar, was, pretty much a prominent feature, in the intricately complicated strands of DNA!!! And, I had absolutely no control of that, being human!!!


My grandfather was undoubtedly, one, of the intellectual clan, of his times. But then he was just a lesser lit names. Without a second thought, he was poor with marketing skills!!! Expectedly, by the time he passed away, he had half a dozen books of poetry to his credit, none of which managed to be "half-a-best seller"!!!




As for my dad, he was always, more of a science writer.(and not a "real" writer, for me at least!) Putting up facts and features, sprinkled with the faintest, near to non-existent traces of literature!!!
Rhyme was his genre, and no wonder, he did way better than his father did!! After all, he was a scientist to back it up!!(And I never thought that "good" enough!). But then, his books were less of business, and more of charity!!!(He did it for FREE!!!)



No wonder, mom didn't want another "writer" in the family!!!



To be continued.....

It's just the prologue!!!

"Nikhil, I missed my periods!!!"






A story, could possibly, never have a more thrilling way to begin!!!





To hell, with your suspense. Actuality was way different!!! My girlfriend's periods had failed their dates!!! The very thought of the possible consequences, had already, scared the shit out me!!!
A 17-year-old schoolgirl, getting impregnated, might sound a good movie plot, but, in reality, nothing actually could get shittier!!!




Forget becoming a dad, even dating a girl at the "tender" age of 18, was nothing short of an "original sin" for my mother!!!




The only thing that kept us alive, and moving was, hope! I was comforting myself, more than I was doing it, for her. I seriously couldn't afford, getting kicked in the ass, straight, out of the house!!!






By the time I was 24, I had nearly become a father, I had nearly got married, I had nearly got myself killed, and, I had nearly become a celebrity!!!



to be continued.....