The realisation!!!

Pretty ironically, the end of Rima's successful weeding brought me to a strange realisation!!














I wanted to shift to Bangalore!!!















And, I was pretty sure!












I was literally "in love" with the Bangalore weather!!!












And, that was big enough a reason, for shifting places!! (I was always, wisely stupid!!!)











I spoke my thoughts before a jam-packed house, and my parents were surely unsure of, how to react!!!















Thoughts of their son going away were no less scary than seeing him "slaughtered" by the Lilliput "land mafia" brothers!!!













Now, the call was about deciding, which was less scary, an idea!!!
























Bengal to Bengaluru!!!






To be continued.....

The last walk!!!

A daughter's marriage is usually, the most over-rated, ultra dramatic accident, or incident, for any Indian household!!!















And, the clouds were way overcast, at Rima's just "past" address!!!












She would walk out for the last time (really? the last time? sure??) amidst tears!!







Chuck traditions.
















Rima didn't want the emotions to be overdone!








So, it was officially declared, "No tears. No drama!!"

















And, Rima walked away, silently weeping, wishing, she could be invisible for the time being.











Riya and Mashimani, and even Diya were squeezing out tears!!














All I managed was, blank stares!!!






To be continued.....

And it just happened!!!

Obviously, the wedding scheduled at nine, "timely" began at half-past nine!!!


















I tried real hard, to escape the intense light, for that's your greatest enemy, on a hangover!!!









My eyes were half burning, and rest aching, as I tried real hard to do some decent photography!!!




















Thank God, Arya Samaj weddings don't last long!!














It was actually over, even before I  was over, with my hangover!!!

To be continued.....

A fabulous follow through!!!

Just as the ritual ended, Riya stormed to the parlour, courtesy Shashank (and his car)!!!











Parlour?



Five in the morning??








I had begun doubting everybody's sanity, around me!!!












"Deep, click some nice pictures of your sister!" mom ordered, shortly after that.









"Mom!! It's five in the morning!!!



I'm off to sleep!!!"







I couldn't help exclaiming, helplessly!







"To hell, with your sleep!! Your sleep is more important than your sister's wedding???"












Rima's wedding had not yet begun, and, here, was mom, already turning on the heat, of yet another!!!









Like, every other place, it is  essentially important for Bengalis, to be late, even if that's your daughter's wedding! It's like, you are outcast, if, even accidentally, you are on time!!









And, Mesho(uncle) was a Bengali, at heart!!!







To be continued.....

Disaster at daybreak!!!

I was really, already, badly hating all these rituals, which were lesser of themselves, and, way more an extensive torture schedule!!!








I instantly decided and promised a couple of things to myself.











"One, I'm never marrying  a South Indian!!



Second, I'm not having a "social" marriage!!!"











Rima led the pack of doing the foolishest things on earth, and we followed, sheepishly!!! The blood rituals demanded equal torture of the bride, and her "innocent" brothers and sisters!!! Four in the morning, we sat, chewing "chura-dahi", because, that meant, or, rather ensured, we were following Rima's footsteps, to the "ultimate shit", very soon!!














Marriage, at least now, was looking an utter shit to me. Make anybody do this, he'll hate it no less!!!






God!!!






I had "nearly" got married !!!










I couldn't believe, I had just survived such a pathetic chaos!!!










The real circus was about to begin!







To be continued.....

And it begins!!!

I had just plunged into my world of dreams, but it seemed, reality was pulling me hard, back to its clenches!!








I tried harder, but, it pulled me, and jerked my dreams, by the hand!!















"Wake up Deep!!!" I tried hard, to open my reluctant eyelids, and the minimal light, it allowed, was enough to see, Rima was badly trying to wake me up!







It must have been serious!!












"What happened?


Is the wedding over??




Did I miss the entire wedding??"






I sat back, tensed, in a flash.









"No! Ritual time!!"


Rima grinned.













I looked up the wall clock.











"Not again!! Who wakes up, four in the morning, for a marriage?? I'm not even getting married!!!"





"Your sister is."






Rima's answer was badly stern.







To be continued.....

The wedding at hand!!!

Now, for the worst part, South Indian marriages happen at the break of dawn!!!










And, though, it wasn't a traditional South Indian wedding, it was rather, an Arya samaj weeding (the Bongs couldn't lose out to the Madrosis!!! Hence, the solution!!!). but even that didn't make things better!












The marriage was scheduled at nine, in the morning!!!
















"Who the hell gets married in the morning??"










Bengalis are used to attend marriages, in the death of the night!!! And, sometimes, even the bride or the groom dozes off!!!











"I am getting married in the morning. Discussion over. Now, go sleep, idiots!!"










Rima literally ordered, like the commander-in-chief, at war!!!










Moreover, it was already, well past midnight!!








To be continued.....

Cocktails and hangovers!!!

Half an hour later, the three Bong ladies walked out, quite much to our deep, relaxed sighs!!!













And before we could actually walk out, Rima had tripped twice on the sofa,














Riya laughed like she had been "possessed".















And Diya almost dozed off, on the couch!!






















That night, I realised the danger and the level of risk of guiding three drunk sisters, to a house, of sober, awake people, at two, in the night!!















We were literally struggling between hangovers and rituals, and it was already, the night, before the wedding!!









To be continued.....

And here comes the spice!!!

Rima headed for the washroom, to freshen up.









And as she walked to her destination, in an asymmetric fashion, Riya spoke!











" Rima is high!! I'll help her out!!!"










And, that was way crazy of her, who was already more than high, herself!!!











Some spice missing?





Indeed!!!










"Both of them are badly high!! I'll get them!!!"



Diya spoke!
















I'm sure, she wasn't even sure, whether, it was Bangalore, or, Bandra, midnight or midnoon!!!















Me, Shashank and Rahul - we simply stood there, sheepishly, staring at each other, expecting against hopes, that, things didn't turn worse!!!!







To be continued.....

And the inevitable drama!!!

Rahul was asked to propose to Rima for the "nth" time, and then, each spoke about the other.









Till now, things were decent.












A friend of Rima, who had climbed atop a table, to view things better, was bit "over" drunk, and at the same time, turned hyper excited.















She tripped, she fell, she broke her heels, and half-a-dozen glasses, along with some substantial amount of alcohol!!!

















Bangalore parties end by eleven, on weekdays, and one, on weekends!!











Crazy for a Calcutta guy, but true, at least for Bangaloreans!
















It was a weekend, but, it was already midnight. And, just as people started gathering themselves for a drive back, saving their asses, off Karnataka cops , the real drama unfolded!!!







To be continued.....

Reality checks and cheers!!!

Definitely, this had turned out the greatest reality check for my parents!









Diya, for them, was, still a "good girl", who not only hated alcohol, but also, people related to it!!




To an extent, that, she would even hate Bejan "Daru"wala!!!










Diya, was definitely miles ahead! She was screaming at the traffic, lazing at Marine Drive, with her third bottle of beer!!!








The cocktail party was a great respite for me! I got to see a better proportion of guys, as per the women out there!!




And, luckily befriended Shashank, Riya's "good friend", more because, I was Riya's "buddy  bro", and he was literally drooling!!!







But then, it was definitely good, to have a better proportion of guys, in the group!








Rima, and Rahul were expectedly too busy, and even finding it tough, to sip in, their drinks!!!








Me, Diya, Riya, and Shashank settled down, with drinks and smokes.














The party went on for quite a span of time, and things started getting wild!







To be continued.....

Between mom and Diya!!!

By late afternoon, we were done with the "haldi" rituals, and a session of the infamous Bengali overfeeding!!









Every one sneaked in, for a nap, to ensure a perfect shape, by evening!!!








Just when we were about to leave for party, mom got us to a screeching halt!!!














"Diya, is it necessary for you to go? It's a cocktail party!!!"



Diya had no clues of, how to react!!!










Mashimani(aunt), came to the rescue, quite much to our relief!!!








"Didi, she's a grown up! And, obviously she'll go to the cocktail party!!" Mashimani said.










Mom was way too shocked to react, and we slipped out, before she started, again!!





To be continued.....

Worse as it gets!!!

The worst feeling is, when you are the only guy, amongst your cousins!!










Because, every friend dropping in, would be, yet, another lady!











And, trust me, you don't feel a player, or, a stud!!






All you simply feel, is, lost!!!













Women, of varying lengths, breadths, and heights, and colours too!! (No, I'm not racist!!!).











I couldn't even fake, being cool, because, my face was pretty much showing off my utter confusion!!!













Diya arrived, the next afternoon. The evening was scheduled for a cocktail party!! Diya was surely a dad's daughter", when it came to timings!!!









But, there was quite a number of surprises in the bag, waiting to be launched, aptly!!






To be continued.....

Thus began the circus!!!

It was breakfast.








I had just sliced out the smallest crumb of bread, when a distant, elderly relative pulled out surprise!"











"Deep, is it?" he inquired, knowingly. So, badly hypocritic!!






"Yah!" I tried being precise.






"Oh! Look at him!! He's grown up!

He's become a man!!!"







What was he expecting?











In the twenty years, we hadn't met, I would have grown just a couple of months older??





Like, I would be a bigger baby, sipping Horlicks from a feeding bottle??







I hardly remembered him and most importantly I couldn't make out, what should I have grown up to, if not a man??






People can be so disastrous, sometimes!!













I simply felt like screaming!!

To be continued.....

House"full" insanity!!!

We had reached, three days prior to the marriage, and it was already "house"full!!!









Relatives, friends, family, and even some distantly far relatives!!









And, the chaos could have easily given the Lok Sabha members, a serious inferiority complex!








I was so hating it!!!









Rima was more than just busy.







Riya, the other cousin, was shutting her professional and family duties.








And Diya was yet to arrive!!!















And they were the closest, both in terms of age and sanity!!!














I just tried hard being invisible, in what was turning out to be a grand circus!!!












The next morning, I was literally left utterly speechless.







To be continued.....

The beginning!!!

"It's so expensive!!!" my mom's exclamation and question marks had aptly arrived!!









"In Calcutta, for a forty-minute drive, you pay Rs.150.






And here, 295!!!








It's so damn expensive!!!"



















My dad hadn't yet got over the utter shock of being denied "five" rupees!!!






Bengalis are bloody calculative!!















"Mom Bangalore isn't damn expensive. Calcutta is damn cheap!!!"






I couldn't help, oozing out the truth.












"Keep your nonsense to yourself!" Mom tried the best to prove her point.








I gave in, for I wasn't wanting another bloodbath of words!!!

















Bengali marriages are the perfect place to be, if you are looking for "serious" comedy!!! And I'm damn serious!!!





To be continued.....

The Bangalore battle!!!

Rima's marriage, it seemed, had skipped calendar dates, in no time, and was whistling in, fast!!!
















Half a dozen bags and suitcases, packed more with all the unnecessary stuff you can expect, on any family trip!!














Mom's over enthusiasm,  hypertension about every small thing, hinted me at realising, the disaster, that awaited Diya's marriage!!!



















Bangalore is, expectedly, way different from Calcutta!








And that showed off, right from the time we stepped in.























We boarded a cab, for the desired destination, and, after a forty-minute drive, we successfully reached, despite a couple of initial hiccups.

















The cab meter announced a bill of Rs.295.













My dad handed over three lame, sweaty notes of a hundred, expecting back the change.












"Thanks sir!" was all he got, before, he whistled away!!!







To be continued.....

"Dead" serious!!!

"Everything.



We don't even know what is your source of income.





When somebody asks, we can't answer them!





You've received threats from Paritosh and Palash!!





And, you don't  even seem to care!!







Why are you wasting yourself like this?






Use your potentials Deep!!" (Deep is my nickname!)
















"Mom, I'm 22!! It's too late to sit again for the medical entrance exams!!"











"Deep, I'm not joking.







Do whatever you want to.








We won't object.







Just, no real estate business.







We can't sleep like this every day.







With the fear, that, someday, we'll have to hear, what, no parent desires to hear!!!"






















Things were really serious!!!








"Dead" serious!!!





To be continued.....

Real shit begins!!!

She didn't disappoint.













"We need to talk."


She said, precisely.










I knew I was more than fucked!!














"What do you want?" mom questioned, straightaway, as soon as I positioned myself, on one of the spare sofas.











I looked at her blank, without the faintest clue of what she was referring to!!!













"You want to live like this forever?" She continued.








"Like what?"












"Real estate business?"














"What's wrong with that??"






To be continued.....

The resurrection!!!

The tension increased, and suddenly, I was blinded by an intense light.











Was I dead??









No!!!












Kaushik had pulled me out, alive!!!
















I was alive!!!












I hadn't drowned!!!

















I was too diffused to even react.


















I had nearly got myself killed!!!














The house was unusually silent. As I entered,  I saw mom and dad, seated at attention, on the sofa, and there wasn't any shitty daily soap going on, in the T.V.









Actually, the TV wasn't even on!!







I stared at mom, expecting her to drop the suspense, and speak up.





To be continued.....

So fucking dead!!!

I slapped, the water, and pulled my head, somehow, screaming, "Asshole! I 'm drowning! I'm drowning!
















And, I went down again!


















I was sure, I would die!!













I hadn't even married! I wanted to get married, have kids, grand kids, and die in peace!!








Not, struggling underwater!!
























I was dying!







I could feel it!










I didn't want to watch me dying!!













So, I decided to drop my eyelids, shut!!















I had half closed them, when I could feel a serious tension in my hair!!










 Something was definitely pulling me!!















"Death". I told myself.





To be continued.....

Drowned to doom!!!

I tried to walk back, with the water level seductively tickling my lips!!










I tripped. I fell.





No!!










My feet hadn't landed, even for a second!













I stumbled, and was engulfed, completely, in no time!!!












"Dude, you are drowning!!!" I woke up to my brain's sudden scream!!











I was drowning, in the middle of the lake!!!













 I desperately kicked and punched the water, got some air for a second, screamed "I am drowning!" and.....I was under water!











The nostrils had literally been overwatered, my eyes were burning, I was drinking water, like I had been badly thirsty for a year, and my heart.... My heart !!














Was it beating?? I couldn't feel it!! Fuck!! I'm drowning!

To be continued.....

Swim gone wrong!!!

Avinash was more than six feet tall, and had inhumanly long legs!!












And, he splashed the water real fast! He did something else too!










And that was complete shit!!














I was standing, or, rather, somehow floating! I had just let go of the pole, for, I was starting to feel confident!!














Now, the huge splash of Avinash had actually involved the fact, that, in the process, he had kicked me, though it was completely accidental!!

















I was not held to the pole, and, in no time, I could feel a displacement, and a rise in the water level!!!
















 My brain was saying, I was into shit, but, I was sure, it was nothing "serious"!!











I did the strongest possible thing!









To be continued.....

The swim song!!!

It was a sunny afternoon.










Me, Avinash, Sanket and Kaushik, were at the lake.







Kaushik was our trainer, as he was the only guy, who knew to swim!!










I was just imagining, how would he save us, if all the three started drowning, at the same time!!!



Shit!! Fucking scary!!!

















As usual, we were in neck-deep waters, holding onto bamboo poles, that had been there, since the day we first came.













Kaushik, as usual , was more of flaunting his swimming skills, and least of actually teaching us any swimming!!














Finally, when he done with his swimming circus, he came in, to coach us! We were taking turns, at struggling more and swimming less!!
















And, Avinash did, what was least expected of him!!!






To be continued.....

The "red" hand!!!

I went to the washroom, and, had a quick brush, to hush up things.














As I entered my room, mom finally spoke!













"Why are you smelling of smoke?" her eyebrows, had formed a definite curved, quite of habit.










"The guy next to me, was smoking badly! These guys you know, they are pathetic!!







I lied, smartly, and blatantly.





















As I advanced, my mom caught me by the arm, in a flash and seized my fingers, for a "sniff-test"!!!




















"So? Were you holding the cigarette for the guy???"








To be continued.....

Safe smoking!!!

By the time I was fifteen, I was definitely, a "luxurious" smoker, if not a "regular"!









And, expectedly, kept the chapter, away from the sensitive nostrils of mom!!















Only till one day, when I simply overdid things!
















I had smoked off three, full  length cigarettes in an hour's time.











 I headed back  home.







And, I was more than confident, I would simply, smartly, escape mom.










As I entered, mom stared at me, for an extra second, but, didn't say a thing.












My "safety" was ensured!









To be continued.....

Wedding plans and cigarettes!!!

The atmosphere at our place, was, gravely serious.








Mom and dad had put up ads on matrimonial sites, for Diya!!!









Somebody had taken Rima's wedding more seriously, than, she did!!








Long sessions went on, with the family astrologer, both, over phone, and, at his chamber!! I simply laughed madly, to myself, and then, felt sheepish!!






I got to be "serious"!!!












I was usually smart.






The only problem was that, sometimes, I overdid it, and, ended up messy!!











I had grown up, watching dad, smoke, consciously away from the farthest reaches of mom!! As a kid, I had always thought, smoking was much of chivalry, and elegance!










And, I tried it out, at twelve!! Ended up with a bad cough, and decided, to drop plans, but, only for the week!!!

To be continued.....

A random episode!!!

Paritosh's open exhibition of disliking, about our "business" procedures, had expectedly, fallen to deaf ears!!














And, he simply couldn't fake being cool! (Anyways, he wasn't!!!)










Palash, expectedly, came to the scene.











And, the first thing he did was, try, and scare the shit, out of us!







Tell me something!!















Who will get "shit scared" of a five-feet-two inch guy, thinner than the palest, underfed guy, in the entire housing complex!!!???!!!









We were least bothered, anyways!!!






To be continued.....

A marriage, finally!!!

Rima, my cousin was getting married in six months.












Rahul was a Malayali, Brahmin, vegetarian.









Rima, a Bengali, Brahmin, and a strict non-vegetarian!!










No wonder, mom and aunt were more than worried!!










"What will you eat?" was my mom's first question, when Rima had come down, with the news!









 "You'll have to eat lettuce leaves and fried cabbages!!!"











Mom was clearly, deeply concerned!












Bengali's are so badly obsessed with food, that, differences in choice of food could lead to divorces and murders!!

To be continued.....

Things gone worse???

I was behind the bars!!!
















To be frank, it was a strange, feeling!










I was confused about the way I was expected to feel!!











Feel good for the "manliness" of the act, or, feel bad, about the shit, I had got myself, in!









The other guy arrested along with me, already pleading, with badly leaking eyes!











Three hours later, I walked out!!













"Thank God, you weren't carrying it!" was Sanjay's instantaneous reaction!





My fear had paid off!










Cheers!!!!

To be continued.....

Wrong turn!!!

I was sipping tea and enjoying a smoke, when, suddenly, I noticed Sanket dragging "the guy", off his cycle, as soon as he had appeared in the horizon!






Nobody had the  faintest idea of the shit, invited!!









Two cops were on a casual stroll, on their bike, and they took no time in smelling the meat!!!









The leaner of the two, held Sanket, by the collar, and called for the cop van!!







This was real bad, and I was starting to realise that, when Sanket pulled out, yet another surprise!











He jerked off the leaner cop, dodged past the overfed one, and sprinted past my nose!









Suddenly, the cops, two of them, stood, on either side of me, coincidentally! What followed, was damn intentional!








Their eyes fell on me!









"Was he one of them?"









The beaten up guy, or the victim, as you would say, came to the play!!






To be continued.....

Of frights and fights!!!

I ended up, at the expected venue, with the excepted motive of beating up the guy!





And, I was luggage-free!







99.9% because, I was "dead" scared, and 0.1% because, it  pricked down secretive areas!!








We were a group of seven guys, waiting, to get the hell, out of one guy!! And, the guy, finally arrived!







Sanket, from my complex had come along as well! And, he was, incidentally, a cousin, of the guy, beaten up the last day!







It wasn't long before the guy, quite surprisingly, found himself pelted, with, slops, punches, and kicks, and soon, he was bleeding from the nose, teeth and was sporting a swollen, bruised eye!!








Teachers of the school came to the act, and we had to let go of him, even if, for the time being!







We waited for the guy to turn up; at a stone's throw, from the school premises!






To be continued.....

Serious business!!!

Days back, there had been a "serious" development in "business" affairs.





Paritosh had openly expressed his disliking to our "meddling" and " fingering" in his "bread and butter"!!






Without second thoughts, we were, at a place, doing something, on second thoughts, that would have seriously scared the shit out of me!!



The "transaction" went successfully.








Hours Later.










My business partner Sanjay, and I, were sitting, sipping whiskey over "serious" things! I was literally staring, yet not over the fact, that I was owning something "shittily scary"!!





A one-shutter pistol would expectedly get anybody's heart on his sleeve! I was having it in my fist, trying hard to reduce the number of unnecessary beats per minute!!!








I was expected to carry this luggage, along, every minute I was awake, with me, and rest it, beneath my pillow, when asleep!!!








Things had, all of a sudden, turned shitty serious!





To be continued.....

Tidbits!!!

Paritosh Saha was too lean to be a land mafia!






He stood about sixty one-and-a-half inches, and to the maximum, weighed forty seven kilos and two hundred seventy five grams!!!






He looked more of a half-starved struggling actor in the Calcutta film industry!!



 His bike looked paler than my rusted bicycle!









The other "head" of the gang, was, his elder brother, Palash, who stood half an inch "taller",
and weighed fifty two grams "heavier"!!






He had divorced his wife, because, their child resembled his driver, badly enough, to be false!!!





I don't know how he managed to get about one-and-a-half dozen murder cases, to his name! Can you bribe for that??








Being into real estate business, I proudly felt, "wanted", and a micro mafia!!!









Half of the people around, were scared of my "ill" temper, and the rest, of the "rumoured facts" of real estate business!! And obviously, I was pretty much enjoying the otherwise absolutely unnecessary attention!!! To an extent, that, I went to beat up a guy, who had bashed up one of the guys of our complex, leaving him bruised!!

To be continued.....

Of dreams, drama and disaster!!!

When I was fourteen, I had expressed my desire to earn a living, out of writing.









Mom declared me a lunatic, then and there.




Dad said, writing can be only a passion, not a profession!!







And then I came to know of one of the weirdest facts I have known, till date!!! Mom, was expectedly flooding the mosaic floors with her nuclear weapon. Tears!!










And then, she spoke!











"For the past fourteen years, me and your dad have dreamt of seeing you, as a doctor!! Your dad has shed every sweat of his forehead, on his feet, to earn every buck! You have been given the best schooling possible! We have sacrificed our luxuries, just to see a doctor of you! And now, you want to be a writer!!! We have seriously failed in your upbringing!"












"Mom, just one question. You dreamt of all this, for the  past fourteen years?? You mean, while I was busy sucking plastic nipples, and soiling diapers, you were dreaming, on my behalf???"








"We are your parents. We can! And, what we think, is actually, the best for you."







"Mom, I have my dreams!!"







"You're a terrorist!!! You'll always rebel, without a cause!! Immatured idiot."






She had literally drowned in her Pacific of tears, and even her eyes had given up, having fallen short of tear supply!!







 But, a terrorist??? I mean, I'm not even a Khan!!!

To be continued.....

The Calcutta rains!!!

Calcutta  rains are amazingly disgusting.









When you'll want them, they would be busy, inflating their ego, and, when you would just stop asking for, somebody, would just prick a safety pin to the ballooned ego!!









Calcutta skies cry worse than a girl!!!






Now, you know how shitty that is!!












And, for a city, enriched with ninety eight thousand seven hundred ninety five-and-a-half potholes, nothing could be worse!!








For a week, you'll experience a cheaper,  filthier and a more Bong Venice!!!







You'd curse the skies, and, just glance at the prospect of a possible side business of ferry services!!










But then, Bongs get over things really fast! To an extent, that, often, or rather mostly, they would have got over the reason, to speak, and yet blabber on! And, guess what! They do all of that, for free!!!






To be continued.....

Random shits!!!

Life is that stranger, who comes in one night, uninvited, bangs you hard, left and right, up and down, and leaves you, pregnant, and the lingering pain for the months to come!!







And those are usually the times, I seriously doubt the fact, that, men are not entitled to pregnancy!!






Or, may be.........









Fuck!!!




What am I trying to even imagine???









But yes, we were not the only contenders! There were other, scary, dangerous people, looking to earn fast bucks the way, we were doing!!








Land mafia!!!








Totally happening!!!





To be continued.....

The business!!!

The "business" I was into, demanded great "talent" and "promise"!!









I was expected to make pure ass-holes, out of people, without them, realising it!!











Like, I would just behead a "murga" (chicken), and before any realisation, it would be, in the kitchen!









Tricking conscience and guilty feelings, you see!!













But then, I was quite identical to the Indian Government!














The guilt shit didn't exist, by default!!!















And as far I was earning good bucks, nothing else mattered!












I have always followed the footsteps of the seniors, the country's lawmakers!!!







To be continued.....

Finally!!!

The greatest irony was, she was badly serious!!!











"Sujata, I'm just 22!!"












"I'm 24! And I need to get married soon!"













I knew, what I wanted to do! Run off!!!




Seriously.










I simply faked a call, and a conservation!







Minutes later, I was, free, from the clutches of a desperate "manly" lady!!!









Fuck man!! No more online dating!!!







Her calls didn't stop, though! She wanted an engagement, in a month! I used up, the only option, left!!









"Sujata, I think I'm liking your sister!!!"






To be continued.....

When things turned worse!!!

We ended up, in a mall, and for the first time, I owned the disgrace of actually taking a close look at her!!









Oh! Fuck!!!












She had a prominent moustache, and even crumbs of beard, which despite, being shaved , and buried, in kilos of make up, couldn't keep away, it's prominence!!!












The thought of making love to her was enough, to throw up!!











And, it was just the beginning!!!









Minutes, after she had unsettled my thoughts and hormones, that too, not in a positive way, she struck disaster, yet again!!









All of a sudden, she grabbed me by the hand, and inched closer!!












"Will you marry me?"







To be continued.....

The date disaster!!!

Obviously, like every other employed jobless, I was on Facebook.





And, it more than serves, a platform for online dating and beyond!






Now, I was dating this lady (girl sounds too innocent), who was a teacher. I was 22, she was 24.






 And, from her profile picture, she looked hazily decent!






I was hardly concerned about looks, anyways!! Mujhe bhi kaun sa shaadi karna tha!!!



Moreover, I was also sneaking a chance, at her cousin!! Sounds sick?? Who cares!!






We finally closed in a weekend for a date! I hardly knew of the shit, that awaited!!!






We met, well on time. And, the first thought, that crossed me, was, lose myself in the crowd!!!
Seriously!!







The only consolation was, her cousin had come along, too! At least, I had some reason to stay  back!!





To be continued...

Weird, wired!!!

I'll tell you something, we have a dramatically creative family!!!





I faced the strangest, and the weirdest of questions, and sitting back alone , I would actually, laugh out loud!!









Returning home, I would ring the bell, dad would come up, and ask the strangest question, "Oh, you've came??"


"No dad! I was just searching for a wi-fi, without a password, and I just found it here!!!"










We would have a marriage party to attend, and, quite expectedly, everybody would be late!!




I would loiter in a sherwani, when mom would come, adjusting the folds for her saree! Chancing upon me, she would ask so seriously, "Ready?"



"What? No!! I was just checking out, how good a clown I would look, on my wedding right!!!"








We would go to a relative's place, and she would have literally strangled me with excessively huge amounts of food, and then would ask the worst question, in the most innocent manner!



"Did you feed properly? Want some more?"


"Oh yes! You see the hump on my back? I'll store it there!!!"










The worst of all, I would wake up early, one morning, quite accidentally, and mom would be like, "Oh! You awake??"



"Who says so?? I was checking how I look, when I sleep!!!"








I could definitely run a circus, with my family!!!!





To be continued...

The usual pandemonium!!!

The usual routine for my parents was pretty much constricted and fixed!







Mom would wake up, and start screaming, and by the time, she would be done with making tea, we would anyways be awake! The peels of shriek and cry were badly "alarm"ing!!!  







Dad would have his tea, and get back to his all-important work of writing one more science article, before deadlines had to be extended!!!









I would wake up to a smoke, and a semi-cold tea, finish both, and again doze off!!! I had literally stop attending college classes, for, attendance would never be an issue!!







And, none of my so-called "business" clients would ever turn up before noon. (though some jobless, actually did!!)







Life was pretty good with easy bucks, what if I wasn't following my dreams?? Anyways, I wouldn't be!!!

To be continued...

The neighbour nuisance!!!

One ominous evening, this "not-so-respectable" respected lady, arrived at our door!!



I was expectedly, quite badly disappointed!!!





She was chitchatting  with my parents, over tea, and a plate, unnecessarily overfilled, with overpriced snacks!!! Anyways, I was happy that I was safely, imprisoned in my room!!!





I was supposed to be leaving for some place, so  I just wanted to speak to my mom, for a moment.
And disaster struck!!!






"Nikhil!!! Beta, how are you?"

"Am good aunty! How are you?" though, I said such sweet words, all I wanted to say was.
"Why the hell are you here?"


"Am alright beta!! Old lady, medical issues! Carrying on somehow!"
 She was so very faking it!



I just wished, God would have been a bit more kind, and gifted some people, a bit less of oxygen!!!




"What are you doing these days?" her curiosity peeped, well out of her concern!


"Nothing much. I'm into writing. And......" I tried being humble, but I guess, she had sniffed spice, and cut me halfway.


"Oh! Good! My nephew is also a writer!! With a leading daily!"


"..... a bit of painting...." She literally snatched my turn, even before I could actually begin, again!!


"Hmmm... my son-in-law's brother is also a repute painter!! He was a student of Government Art College! He's doing a lot of exhibitions these days!!!" She was literally finding it quite a spice, to relish!


"..... I'm doing a bit of photography,  as well."

I said, trying to salvage, my just lost pride!!



"Really? My sister's husband's cousin's brother-in-law 's son is also a good freelancer photographer!
Earning some good bucks, these days!!" the smile across her badly wrinkled cheeks could match the level of accomplishment, when India had defeated Pakistan convincingly, in a cricket match!!!






And, yet, it wasn't over!!







"And beta Nikhil! What else are you doing these days?"






"Aunty! I just turned gay!!!"

To be continued.....

Of money and miscellany!!!

Months before my college ended, for the first time, I took to full time earning!! 

The previous experiences were just meagre English tuitions, where, I, inevitably tortured people, weaker than me, in English!!! 

I entered into a partnership, with one of my elder friends. A business, and, that too, real estate!!! Shit could never be shittier!!

The greatest thorn, down the throat of any Bengali is, his, creativity, if at all, by chance!!! 

Literally!! 

Bengalis are expected to be badly creative, by birth. But, to be frank, it's some serious respite, if, you, being a bong, are not good at any art form!! 

Seriously!!

It's an entirely different issue, whether, I was good or not, but, definitely, I did know some!! So, like, most other nuisance neighbour's we had one more, that too, an elderly one, who  was usually, a keen participant in neighbouring affairs & issues!! 

She was one of those, who, would be back  bitching  about the newly married lady, and say, "I'm never into back bitching!!!"

Her heights of hypocrisy were hilarious!!!

To be continued.....

Dad calls it a day!

Dad, retired from his government services, in grand style! 

But, it was more sad a news for me, than, it was, actually, for him!! 

Because, it simply meant, he would always be there, round the corner, with his poisoned arrows of criticism!!! 

Tragic indeed!!!

Quite expectedly, he turned to full time writing. To add up, he got to the editorial board of half a dozen Bengali science magazines!!! 

A science writer-editor, my dad was literally, on cloud nine! He was touching his dreams, what, if at sixty? 

He was well a five-year old nagging over toys, when it came to buying fish, at the market!! I guess every Bengali father is, simply, too good, at that!!!

If you don't like fish, you are anything but a Bengali! A Bengali's reaction to having a great catch of "ilish", "bhetki", or "chingri", at a reasonably cheap price, is simply orgasmic!!! 

My dad, I bet, was not that happy. even when he became a father!!! 

"Maacher jhol bhaat" is an instantaneous turn on for a Bengali, on any given day! Bengalis and fishes are more intensely in love, than Romeo and Juliet would ever have been!

To be continued.....